Everyday is Mothers Day

That one solitary day had finally come to celebrate the woman who changed our diapers, feed us, took care of us when we were a baby and till now, the woman who love us unconditionally, who understood us when we're at fault, the woman who we all love, our mother.

When I was young, my only wish was to be old enough to fulfil my dreams and now I'm finally a teen All I could ever asked for is for my family, and all my love ones to be happy with their life. My mother who have given a birth to me, who suffer for 9 months pregnancy, trying to satisfied my needs, the one who's always been there for me when I'm in rough patch in life is just unbelievably amazing in so many ways, there is. I love her in every way there could possibly is, I love her smile that can light up the whole town. I love her passionate to her work and how she managed to still work until late at night. Mom, please take care of your health, I don't know what I would do if you got sick, seeing you hurt is like a shot of bullet in my heart. I owe you my life. I owe you my knowledge. I owe you who I am today, thank you for being a great mom.

My mom deserves every love in the world. There are people who said they believe in you, but my mom, she's always have, she believes in me from the very first day of my life as a human, she know's I can do it, she showed me how much she's proud of me, she's always have been my number 1 supporter along with my dad. She encouraged me to follow my heart, to always be myself even when most people would hate me for it. She made me chase my dream even when I'm always in my nutshell (reading, listening to music, eating, and sns) She pushed me forward to be a better person, a better daughter, a better friend, and a better dreamer.

My mom had seen me at my worst and still find a space to love me within my flaws. She would take a fall on me on my own battlefield, she would sacrifice her own knees to get scratched instead of mine, even when it bleeds her. She would bandaged my wounds until it's okay again. She reminds me to always sleep deep with my decision before making them. I can't thank her enough for that. She's been such a great best friend to me, specially when I'm on patch of having no one to count on. She pulled me away from the depth of losing myself countless of times now. My mom made me realise that having no friends, sometimes, is okay because it doesn't really mean they're all that you've got, that I should go on with my life and treasure those un-longed friends of mine and meet new ones a long the way, because life is too short to be living a life with full regrets. She made me realise so many things, beautiful things, like how we humans are all equal and no one is above or under, doesn't really matter if you have money or not. She taught me how this world can be so beautiful than anyone can imagined. She preached to give importance to others, to humans more than to things. She reminded me to be a good person, always, but to never let anyone step on me. This world is full of great things, to those who only seek for it, my mom had been a glowing inspiration to everything that is good in this little world of us. She deserves the whole worlds love.

Mom, I'm sorry if I ever disregard anything that you've said to me, sorry that I often take my anger on you, sorry that I can't seem to show you how much I love you but I do love you so much. You're my shooting star, my hero and my pillow. You make me laugh, cry, you embarrass me at times but I still adore you, you're my role model, you give me strength when I'm weak. You understand me when no one else can, you're there for me when I and my first crush, you're there for me when I've gone crazy over idols and such. My life now, has been amazing because of you, because of your hard work. I wan't you to know that I will love you until the sun stop setting, until the stars stop showing at night, until everything in this world is bad and good I'll always love you.

The people who keep dragging you down, wanting to dirt you, wanting to step on you. They would never succeed. Trust me, I saw you struggle to work, I saw you working all day, I saw you giving to others, I saw you sharing your blessings, I saw you at your worst but never in my life I would admit that you're not an angel. You are a blessing to so many people, Its like god had sent you to this world to spread kindness and love.

You're such an amazing mom. You never fail to make me happy, you always had that stupid right words when I needed them. You're a super mom, me and jersey are both so proud to have you and dad in our life. Thank you for raising me, you raised me in a well good moral. I wan't you to be happy, to be healthy, to be you. Thank you for listening when I vent to you nonetheless, thank you for not judging me, for giving me good advice. Thank you for keeping me in place, when I need to wake up from the reality. You've been such strong woman, for years you have exist you've always have been one. Know that I appreciate you a lot, your presence, your support, your happiness means the world to me. I want nothing else but for you to always be happy. When things got bad, I'm here, talk to me, I'll listen. Cry, you can lean on my shoulder. Troubled? I'm not here to judge you. I'll be your everything, because since you gave birth to me, you had given me your everything so it's my turn. :)

I can't express my love for you into words, no more. But this little open letter for you will never do justice to how thankful I am to be your daughter. I will always love you a lot more than I ever did yesterday.

Love your mom, because she gave birth to you and it's not easy. Your mom supported you and never leave your side even when you push her away. Your mom taught you how to speak, where would you be if it wasn't for her. Your mom is the reason why you are aware of human affection since she's your first kiss (not in the way). Your mom worked her butts of just to give you a better life that she never experienced. Your mom will always be there for you. Your mom supported you dream. You stress her but she would never get mad at you. Most of all your mom will not gonna be there for you forever, so as long as theres time, make time for her, love her, make her happy because all mothers wish is for their child to live happily. Parent's get hurt when you're hurt, you're sad they're sad. Parents can't help but feel what you feel. They worry about you a lot, because they care.

Mom's and dad's sacrifices a lot to give us a better life. We sometimes take that for granted, we all should feel lucky to have both of them into our life, they made us who we are, they only want the best for us. They will do anything, everything for our happiness. From graduations, proms, collage, in the first job you get hired they're going to be there for you. Your parents will always guide you, they know you make mistakes, you have flaws, but that won't less any love they have for you. Not in a good terms with your mom? Grow up and fix it. You can only have so much time to tell your mom you love her, you appreciate her. It baffles me when people say they hate their mom or never want to be their child. You can have everything in the world but sometimes the child-parents relationship will always be the one thing that will complete you.

Its Mother's Day, no matter how bad your day is, it's not a valid reason to why you shouldn't say "I love you" to your mom.  Show how much you appreciate your moms and how you are thankful with everything that they have done for you. They won't always be there for you, spend your time with them as much as you can, they did that to you when you were first born so why not turn it around.

New Year

I've been busy a lot lately that it seems that I have forgotten that I have a blog in the first place and I'm really sorry to keep you on your toes for a new post.

One year have passed already, it seems just like yesterday I was celebrating and welcoming 2013. I guess time flies. All throughout 2013, I've learned a lot of things and meet new people along the way, of course some challenges that I've been through but nevertheless It made me stronger than I was yesterday. 2013 have been nothing but pure of happiness and positivity, I remember my old self saying that I should be more positive and in that way life will also be positive, and it did.

2013 has been the best year of my life. I've seen a lot of new places that I'm lucky to explored. I've met new amazing people that has been there for me through thick and thin. I had the chance to get to know those people who are just behind me that I ignored for so long that I didn't even realised that wow she's/he's an amazing person after all. I had my bad days but we all have those days right? After all, we're all human beings.

I'm so blessed and I can't even thank god enough for everything that have come my way this 2013. I've got a lot of new experiences that I'm happy that I have shared with my parents, who mean the entire world to me. My friends who have been there for me. And literally to all those people who stand by my side through ups and down. So I, myself is thanking all of you, ALL OF YOU for everything, even the simple things, the little things, the big things…just anything that you have done for me, I really highly appreciated all of it.

I know that 2013 had been a challenged yet an exciting road for me (for all of us) but look at us, we're alive and ready to start a new chapter in our life. Ready to grow and learn new things. I mean, for me 2013 is like a new way of learning things everyday, but of course everyday is a learning process for me. I can say that I have quite matured a lot since this time last year. I've grown to like new things, committed my time to a lot of new hobbies and luckily continuing my sketching that I have lost interest in when I turned 15 but lately I've bought myself some sketchbook that I can use everyday.

I've been through a lot, it's not that I'm exaggerating things for you, I just don't like sharing my problems on the internet because it's not anyones business though it proved that I'm only human being just like any normal 15 years old girl out there. I have encountered a lot of conflicts here and there which isn't really good but I have overcome it, it was precisely a childish thing to do. To fight on little things, so I learned that the only thing that you can do is ignore them, if they want to bring you down, let them. Go on with your life, as long as you're happy and content with what you have and what you are, then it doesn't matter what anyone says. :)

Also I'm thanking one direction and exo for being a part of my 2013 journey, because of these boys I met a lot of new amazing friends that have the same interest as me. For the laugh and crying-at-night because of some stupid things well what can I say these boys made my whole 2013.

I've realised a lot of things this year. You cannot control things that will happen but if you can't ride it, enjoy it. Not all the people in your life stay the same as they were before, and you need to accept it. Life can be pretty harsh but things do get better. Start thinking positive and a lot of good things will come your way. Be good.

I have blessed with so much opportunities since the year started. I met exo-k which is pretty mind blowing, they were so kind and really a true sweetheart. I can't thank my parents enough for making it all possible, they've been very supportive parents to me and my brother. I'm blessed and really thankful to have them. We've been closer and stronger and hopefully also to this coming year.

I know that a lot of you have gone through tough times this year but hey look, it ended quite nicely right? And a new year is just ahead of you. Look at the bright side. I wanted you to know that it's gonna be okay. I wanted to let you know that I'm so proud of you that you made it through a new page of 365 page of a book. I wanted you to know that just because you had a bad day doesn't mean it's gonna be a bad year, sometimes when universe throws a problem at you, it just means you can overcome it. It wouldn't throw anything thats bad in your way if it knows that you can't right? so cheer up buddy. And to those people who made you feel like shit last year, let go of them. :)

It's okay to not be okay at times, to lie a few times, to burp, to love someone, to have a crush, to fail one subject, to be friends with your enemy, to eat a lot, to feel sad, to feel happy as long as you pull yourself up when you are ready.

Whatever adversities that life throws at you, you will get through it. I love and care for all of you. Because of you guys I wouldn't be the person I am now, so thank you. So cheers for the new year, we have a whole new year in front of us, unsullied by mistakes and so full of possibilities. :)

To all my lovely and beautiful readers and people that I loved dearly, give yourself a pat on the back for making it through a year. My parents who have been nothing but lovely and supportive parents to me and my brother, thank you for being there for us and for letting us grow, your guidance is all we could ask for as we grow up. To my friends, thank you for making my 2013 a lot more special, we may fought, we may have some misunderstanding a long the way but see? We have a special bond that no one can break, thank you for sticking up for me and remember that whenever you feel trouble you can always count on me. To all those people that I know, whether you like me or not I hope you have a good 2014 because all of us deserves to be happy :)

A WHOLE NEW YEAR, STRETCHING OUT BEFORE US :)

Words will be just words

Hi, It's been awhile now since I posted a new blog nor write one as drafts. I don't know whether to tell all the things that I have experienced and learn through all those missed months of not blogging, shall I just go straight to the point and make this easier for us? Though I prefer to rant in here so hold on tight, because this will be a longggggggg post.

I have so many thoughts that needed to be opened up to everyone. Why do we label people? As if they're a brand. We're not a brand nor we are not words that people describe us. We're human being, we make mistakes, we cry, we laugh, we smile, in short we have our own emotions. Just because someone said you're not good enough doesn't mean you aren't. Just because someone told you to quit doesn't mean you should. Just because someone told you to open that door and never come back doesn't mean you should. Just because someone told you you're not worth it doesn't mean you aren't. You are more than those words that people use to define you,  you are worth the love you are receiving, you are more than those people who can't do anything but dictate your life as if they got a hold of it. YOU are the only person who can control your life, your mind, and how to accept those criticism from other people BUT NEVER LET THEM DEFINE YOU.

We can't control what other people thinks of us, whether we like it or not, whether its good or bad. We can just go on with our life, move on, forgive people and be positive, because if you know who you really are then it shouldn't matter what anyone says.

You know what I think? People are like snowflakes at first glance its just a solid form of water but when you look closely enough, you'll learn to appreciate its own beauty. Thats like us, we humans tend to jump into conclusion basing people on the outside not even bothering to look closely enough and try hard enough to get to know the person first. I guess its human nature now, is it. We vindicate people as if we are the bigger person, we always say things that aren't meant to be said out loud and caused other people's pain. We never think about the consequence for speaking wrongly and unmannered to others. We always think that it would make us cool if we just be the badass to point out someone while our own fingers is not neat nor clean from mistakenly try to be perfect. If you don't have anything nice to say, its better to sealed shut your mouth.

Example, if you were in a crowded room with full of people you know, there will always be that one person who dislikes you. If its full of people who hates you, at least one person likes you. Thats the reality, we should accept it that not everyone will understand us, not everyone will like us. But don't focus on the negative side, let the people say what they want. They like you? GOOD , they don't like you? GOOD. You shouldn't based your happiness on other people specially let them put you down.

We see other people as friends, lover, sister and a stranger, does that mean we have a say in their life? No. As for you NO ONE HAS A SAY IN YOUR LIFE BUT YOU, ONLY YOU. You need to find your own common ground, you need to live your life and start living positively.


Have a great december lovely's :)

Decision

This was a mistake, to write an awfully personal blog post but it's a rightful and courageous mistake that I have made or should I say making since I'm still in the process of writing this as you read. Anyway, I have come to terms to take a big step, to step out of my comfort zone. To end the misery between my conscience and physical self, I was also contemplating wether I'm making the right choice for myself, instead I find myself to be exact opposite of what my mom would do, I don't call myself running away to face the problem which is not true, I prefer calling this 'facing the bigger problem' and I can't deny that it's selfish of me to make this decision but its what my heart and mind tells me to do, so I did. You all maybe confuse on what I am talking about but maybe at the right time you might find out about this, though to all those people who know what I'm talking about and some who I told disagree and find this childish, I'm not sorry. I will stand on my own without your relevant opinion. To those people who have accept my decision, thank you for understanding me through all those years we have shared together, that now I see how precious your presence is, I know I've been an awful friends to some of you, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not the friend you wanted me to be, but I'm not sorry for being myself even for the couple of years we have shared you would probably tell who you are.

This decision that I suddenly pop up into all your face, might confuse you, but I did it for myself. I wanted to grow as a person not only as a student and a daughter, I want to explore this world and find all the answer to the unanswered questions. Believe me, I have been thinking about this lately, for more than year and right now may not be the best time but It will be better, I know it will.

Rather than spending my 5 hours into a chaotic world with no direction, I wanted it to be more splendid and worth telling someday, and sitting on the same position everyday wont help me grow.

Anyway this blog post is supposed to be long but to make it short and worth reading, I just wanted to open a topic that I've been trying to open, I know, I know. I've lost a lot of people, friends to be exact I guess you should just carry on with your life and let them carry with theirs. In a matter of time and place you'll find out who your true friends are, and those people are the one who's there when you need them the most [too cliche, i know] So I'm thanking all those people who have been there for me, you know who you are. Thank you for letting me grow and wiser.

To my mom and dad, I'm sorry if I ever let you down. Thank you for being so supportive through all the sudden decision that I've been making lately but I hope you know why I'm doing this, I can't thank you enough, thank you, thank you. I love you <3

Tag A Friend

I asked my friends to write down some of the questions they have always wanted to ask me, so here it goes.

1. Do you want another brother or sister?
- To be honest I'm open and welcome to have one, that would be amazing.

2. Can I have one of your cats? I want safira!! 
- It's a no for me, ((I mean it)

3.Why is your name jackie?
- Ask my mom, I really don't know what my name means

4. Why do you like k-pop so much? 
- Exo is actually the first k-pop I ever like, It was a funny story but to sum it up...
once upon a boring day where I'm too lazy to go out and socialise with people, I opened a tab and
search some new good music on youtube and then *bammm* I saw the 2nd teaser for their first debut then the rest is history

5. You own 5 boys, can I have one? 
- Yadda! Yadda! wait, are you talking about one direction? Because its still no for me.

6. Why are you so cute?
- My parents have a good genes I guess? nah I'm kidding but whoever you are thank you!

7. You're so rich, can I be your P.A?
- I'm laughing, I really hate this kind of topic and I'm not rich lmao

8. Are you obsessed with books like Percy Jackson or something like that?
- Yes, I'm actually a bookworm, you'll find me most of the time reading a book or listening to music or
just being weird yeah

9. What is your favourite song? Why?
- this is really hard, I mean you can't just pick one favourite from a million songs plus I'm a music addict
so I can't choose one but as a dare I'll pick 'Every Road' by The Maine, I can really see myself growing up traveling around the world and this song is just perfect I can't even describe it.

10. Do you ever get mad at me? Why?
- I'm gonna be honest, I have a short temper but that doesn't mean I get mad easily. We may have a fight or just a misunderstanding but I don't really hold grudges to anyone. ((maybe the time where you left me hanging while the whole class is against me? I don't really know?)) Life is too short :)

11. Someone told me you're a rich kid. Can you share it with us? haha
- I'm not lmao I don't know why you guys always think that.

12. Do you love me? Why or Why not?
- I literally love everyone, I always focus on the positive side of people so don't ask why!

13. Who is your most unforgettable friend in high school? Just pick one :)
- I can't just pick one, because If I do one or two might get jealous and I honestly think all of my friends
are unforgettable, how can you forget those faces when you always see them everyday lmao.

14. Why are you so clingy?
- I don't know If I should be offended or not about this? But anyway I'm just clingy and If ever we're close you might understand that, thats how I show a friend that I care for them and I'm just plain annoying (I know right)

15. Among the 12 Exo Superpower which one do you want? Why?
- this is really easy I would pick Suho's superpower or maybe Lay? Since I was a child I would ask myself if I can breathe under water for more than 2 minutes, I tried once and luckily I didn't get drown so phew! And for Lay, I just want to know how it feels to be a unicorn, that would be grand.

16. Just pick one, you can't say both. Safira or Sky? And why do you like cats so much? 
What about dogs?
- HOW DARE YOU??? ugh skyfira yup. I love cats and you should never doubt my love for cats, they're too cute and fluffy and you just want to squeeze them haha, I like dogs but I love cats.

17. When did you start blogging?
- I started blogging last year. :)

18. Can I be your Model for your blog? hahaha Joke!
- haha hello, maybe? If ever I need someone I might take you up on that.

19. Did you ever fall in love?
- Have you seen and heard Harry Styles? well that explains all

20. You love me? Mean it! Jagiyaa!<3
-Only one person call me jagiya! hmm I love youuuuu bah!

21. Of all the concerts you'd attended, what is the most unforgettable one? Why?
- All the concerts I've gone to, it was all unforgettable and it's really hard to choose one. 2 concerts? okay 2 unforgettable concert would probably be "Demi Lovato" and "Kpop Republic" Demi was amazing and her vocals was just wow she's an angel sent from above. And kpop republic because my babies finally noticed me and not just twice so yeah.

22. Who among the fictional character you most ship? choose only one
-I can't! I have a long list of my otp okay? *sigh* Fourtris? Clace? Augustus and Hazel? Malec? Percabeth? Wessa? ugh I don't know, this is frustrating.

23. How did you come up with blogging? What makes you want to blog?
- As a lazy teenager that I am, writing is my escape and it just makes me feel free. But as day goes by, I start feeling a little positive about everything, I want to be the voice, not just for myself but for a lot of people so yeah, in short this is a big step from my shell and comfort zone.

24. Who among the guys ever had the biggest part on you? Who did the largest unforgettable thing?
- I would say One Direction but I choose my Dad, He was there from the start and still is, he's the only man who knows me more than I know myself, I know this is like far from what you are expecting me to say because obviously the question is in form of past tense but anyway my dad will alway be my number one man :)

25. Favourite Sport and Favourite Movie?
- Tennis, baseball and football
- This is hard, anyway my favourite movie(s) Pretty In Pink, Grease, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Parent Trap, The Breakfast Club, The Mortal Instruments, Percy Jackson and The Notebook I know they're slightly old.

26. Favourite book series? Why?
- Percy Jackson series, I just love how the concept and the writing is so different from any other books and I just can't get enough of percy.

27. What's your secret for having such a perfect hair?
- Thanks! I guess I don't usually comb it? No seriously, I never comb my hair.

28. Night or Day? Why?
- Night, I'm in love with stars, and at night you can just look up in the sky and dream about floating in the universe, see how the sky at night resemble the universe so much, all those shinning stars. Nights are magical and you can notice the beauty of the city up on the hill.

29. Do you collect anything?
- Yes, Snow globes I am addicted to snow globes since forever.

30. Who is someone you look up to and why?
- My mom, not to be too cliche picking someone I know my whole life. I chose my mom because I know how hard working she is, and at some point I would ask myself 'if my mom were in my situation what would she do?' and I really think she's amazing.

Thats all, thank you to all those people who participate to this tag-a-friend blog of mine. Bea, Irish, Hannah, Kylie, Jaira, Rachel, Alyson, Khristine, Pam, Jefferey, Mervill, Tim, Jessa, Shan and Cheen.

I love you guys!

Every Road

I'm sorry for my lack of post, Its seems like I'm too lazy to write anything. I may not have anything

inspiring to say that can tickle your fancy. I have been going for awhile asking myself if I should

watch 'Steve Job' or not because lately I've been lacking a lot of words to say nor productive things to do in my daily life and since steve job is one of my inspiration to do my best in life I decided to watch

it online which I don't even feel guilty about.

"build a life" a simple word but it stuck to me, I can't help but let these words drilled into the deepest

of my mind can go, I was still in awe of Steve Job's words. He can say 'life' and 'cat' in one sentence and it will mean a thousand meaning to everyone. So pretty much this post is inspired by him.

A lot of people at my age are still contemplating which path should they choose, the practical one or their dreams, I think as one of the many teenager who oath to be a professional someday, you should do what makes you happy even have a small business like coffee shop, no one should stop you from achieving what you want in life, and no one has to say in that. 

I have words that I have always wanted to say, I wanted to be heard, I want to stand up firmly on the ground and say things that I mean. I want to inspire people to do their best.

My mind can't seem to stop thinking and screaming internally inside, even the voice of my own can't be heard while all the echo of every teenage rebel are overpowering the whole world. 

Knowing my opinion can't be taken seriously by most of the people, I will still say what I want, I have the right to voice out my own opinion and it's no one's right to judge me by it. 

If you want to try something for awhile now but scared to fail I suggest you do it ~ don't be afraid of trying, as long as you try your best then thats enough, though I live by the words "sometimes trying your best is not enough" If I were to give you a good advice I might crack up a little bit and shook my head and say "you don't need advice, you need to understand yourself and just go for it" I was never that cliche girl who always have the advice in my pocket wherever I go, yes I live for all the wise words that wise man once said but for me you just need a little push.

Write whatever you want, do whatever makes you smile or take a lot of photos as you can to save up some memories, just do it as long as you do it for yourself.

Instead of sitting on your couch stuffing yourself and completely complaining everyday, go out and live your life, don't waste a minute nor a second of your life doing nothing while you can do what you love.

As much as possible I don't want this post to be overly preachy and I don't want this to come off as if I'm bragging my rights to others. As what they say you're only younger than you are yesterday, so don't sulk around and be a lazy teenager (though i know that me, myself is a lazy teen too)

Go chase your dreams, don't be afraid to get judged by what you do, keep your head held high, for once you should look ahead of yours and see the greatest things in life that you had forgotten. Nobody can stop you from chasing your dreams or for doing what you love. Do what you can with what you have, be what you want, don't let the social media stop you for being who you are. If you make mistakes, then so what? We're human we all make mistakes but that doesn't mean life stops for us. Life won't wait for you, you need to move your feet forward and start doing your thing.

Don't let the expectation of others pressured you on doing the things that makes you happy, write what you feel, even if it's not meaningful and philosophical. Stay true to yourself no matter how many times people try to changed you.

- Because some people will and you will only let yourself dragged down into a pit of massive breakdown of crashing your own dream. Have a little faith on yourself, if you think you can do it, you can.

In all that is being said, I want you to start moving. Build your own life, don't let anyone or anything stop you from doing what you want. Be yourself (too cliche) but I promise you, you'll achieve your goals if you take it one step at time and surely but slowly you will set another goal. 

Do it for yourself not for the rights of bragging or impressing other people, DO IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT. 

Let your mind set into positive stuffs even if it's reading a good book or hanging out with people you love. Stay positive, I know it seems so hard to do so sometimes but when life hands you lemon you make lemonade. 

3 things that I learned in life.

First - life isn't always about being successful. There are a lot of things out there, that you can enjoy doing with no benefits of being successful. Before you achieve the top you need

to fail, fail, fail and fail.  

Second - Life won't stop for you. Instead of sitting in front of your computer screen and waiting for a miracle to happen, do something. Life wont stop for you, it wont wait for you. You're just letting a day pass you by.

Third - Have a little faith, I know there are no good scientific logic that proved that there is a man above us, but for me inside my heart that there is. Be thankful and never forget to remind your love ones that you love them.

I want you to start going after your life goals and be happy with who you are. Nothing will ever happen if you keep putting it off. Today is the day, do it now rather than tomorrow or the next day after tomorrow. This is such a big world to explore, go on a adventure if you want, try finding your own passion and discover new things. I don't want you to be stuck in just one place, I want you guys to see the good things that life has to offer, if you decided to see it then you will.

I want you to not overwork yourself from thinking that, 'it will only be a dream' stop saying it, stop saying that. Start doing it, prove yourself wrong because the only one who is stoping you is yourself.
Don't make excuses, hell, don't say any negative stuffs from now on, make yourself a positive person, you can do it. I believe in you.

Thats been a hell of a long post. Anyway to say at least my outfit seems to be getting more stylish now don't they? So I got my jumper? (idk) crop top and combat boots from F21. Theire new clothes and new styles are getting into me real hard though some of their shades aren't that good but for some reason I found 2 good shades. As you guys know, I received my package from nasty gal and I can't wait to wear my sweater, it's so soft and wow the fabric is really good so tune in for a new blog ;) 

Growing Up & Letting Go

I can't believe that I am actually writing this post for everyone to see, but it was not my intention for anyone to believe everything that I will say and nor I don't want people to point out fingers to each other after this, but since I haven't gotten myself up from the grave of may and june I am now pouring my hearts out to this blog post. These pass few months, there are times where I can't help but think about how much I've grown into a girl with flowers in her hair and candy in her hands to a girl who've yet to explore the world, how time flies, people change and things get complicated as I struggle to find the right notes to my organs and violins. It's sad, sad to think about that in your past there are people there who are still waiting for you to enclose your closure again but too bad it's not the right path for you to take, no more. 

There seems to come a time in everyones life when special friends starts to drop like files.

I can't help but feel vulnerable when it comes to letting people go, It feels like theres a tie knot that was now untangled, and it only means that its time to let go of those people who are now finding their own path but the sad part is that they didn't take a piece of you with them only shattered memories from the broken glass of bliss. It's sad that it become part of you to just trust everyone else you meet even how much some people caused you pain.

As my parents daughter, I know what love means in different opinion of others. I've been surrounded with big love and happy people on my entire 15 years of existence but also, I can't deny that there are times where some certain people rain on my parade and put back all the shattered glass on the floor for me to yet fix again. It anguishes me to see how this world can be, maybe sometimes... just sometimes.

I don't know why I am writing this, It's taking all the courage in me to write a post but since I didn't know who to let out my feelings then I take this as an exception. Either I choose to let my feelings go or its now or never... and I think I made my choice since I am writing this, sad and very dramatic post.

Again, as I've said many times now I am now a 15 years old child (yes, I still called myself a child) but that doesn't mean I am full grown up, I know for a fact that I still have so many things to learn and to do  , I'm trying my best to be the person I've wanted to meet on the near future and I have yet to meet the real world after I graduated. Pretty much the real life hasn't started for me and yet I am here full of unsaid feelings and thoughts that I have kept for myself this pass few years. I've learn to let go, thats a good start of the real world, you need to let some things go for you to see a whole new perspective, you may not know its better than the first one. One cannot harm you for the rest of your lives but sorrow does. Take a risk, thats a two for two for me, I always tried to be spontaneous about everything I do, its keeping me hype and happy even when my day wasn't.

Okay so back to 'letting some people go' I know that a lot of you have that special friend you treasure the most and now have gone through a different way. These people came to you unannounced and leave the same trials, you feel like some part of you is now missing. You'll miss the gossip or the games you two play or whatever the hell you two loves to do, it doesn't matter. They will leave you a little broken inside and the fact that, that person leaves without saying good-bye is the hardest part of letting people go. You know that feeling where you're 2 years of friendship who feels like a family to you start to dissolve, we're left with no instruction to reset everything all at once again. No more movie nights, no more good morning text or no more memories to make, because thats the last station for your journey with that person, it hurts trust me but its sometimes the only way to move on with your own life.

Friendship just dies. Here today gone tomorrow, thats life its scary how things work and how easy it is for someone to come and go in your life as if you're not a permanent home for them. But there are far more good things for you to focus on so why keep blaming yourself from something that was once taught you to love who you are. Respect the relationship you have with those people because someday you will look back to this day and laugh at how stupid you are to actually think its all your fault.